The Perks of Being a Tear-Harvesting Deity

The past week has been…interesting.

For those that may not know, along with writing and photography, my other passion project is a music website and podcast I handle with my friend in California (you can visit Kill Boring Music to read reviews, check out our concert photos, and listen to episodes of the show, or pull up The Ringing Ear Podcast on the podcast delivery system of your choice).

We talk about all types of music, and at the end of every episode we feature an unsigned artist. This means we’re constantly on the lookout for new bands to play, and last week I found a band in Pennsylvania that gave me a little more than I bargained for.

Sleepsculptor is a mathcore-influenced metalcore band from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. They just released their debut full-length LP Entry: Dispersal, available for sale on Bandcamp and streaming on all major services. I found the band on Twitter and followed the links to check out the album. If you like metal, you’ll probably like it. I sure did, and I wanted to play them on the show. I also did what I always do when I find a band I like (unsigned or not)—followed them on Twitter and liked their Facebook page. A day or so later, I got an invite to a Facebook group called Sleepsculptor: Oasisposting. This is where things get interesting.

If you’ve never heard the term “shitposting”, here’s a quick explanation: the point of shitposting is, as the name implies, to post large amounts of pretty much the dumbest stuff you can find. Memes, terrible jokes, gifs, etc. Now, I’m not entirely new to shitposting—I’m actually in a couple of shitposting groups on Facebook. But I’ve never seen the level of idiocy that I encountered in the Sleepsculptor group. It was actually pretty amazing. A flood of awful (but still mostly funny) content deluged my phone to the point where Sleepsculpor: Oasisposting had nearly overshadowed all my other activity on Facebook. I was so impressed that I decided to publish a simple post declaring my admiration, ending with the sentence, “I’m not sure what I’ve gotten myself into.”

FELLOW OLD PEOPLE, YOU ARE HEREBY WARNED.

Apparently, “I’m not sure what I’ve gotten myself into” is akin to “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” or “Goodness, it’s already almost 10, I have to get ready for bed”. These idiots (and I mean that as a term of endearment) proceeded to utilize photo manipulation to plaster my face all over things related to the band. The amount of content they created in such a short amount of time was staggering.

I can’t deny that even though I knew they were clowning me I found it utterly hilarious. Besides, I remember what I was like when I was their age (which I assume to be early-to-mid 20s). Hell, I remember being 23 and mercilessly teasing a 27 year old for being old. So I did what came naturally—I leaned into the whole Kenneth Movement, telling them they were right to create all this content on my behalf, because as we all know, I’m awesome.

This led to an evolution of the memes being made, and honestly I’m not even sure how it came about. One of the guys in the group would have to explain it, although that would almost certainly make it considerably less funny. The point is, once I started playing along, somehow my image started being placed on religious imagery and I was declared some type of all-knowing, all-seeing deity that fed on tears. Behold:

“All Hail Kenneth” became their new mantra. Nearly every post included the phrase at some point, and they demanded that everyone react to posts and comments with the sad emoji—so I could harvest the tears, naturally.

Things have cooled down just a little bit now, as I assumed they would; this kind of thing usually runs its course pretty quickly. There has been some talk, however, of Sleepsculptor merchandise emblazoned with my smiling, lovely face, and they did decide to create Kennethkoin, a me-branded cryptocurrency that as of yet is completely worthless, though that could change at any time.

It’s been quite the roller coaster ride, and I’m happy to be the defacto mascot/deity for a band this good. Seriously, hijinks aside, there’s no reason Sleepsculptor can’t be huge on the metal scene. All that’s stopping them is visibility—they have the chops and their music is on point.

So, again, if you like chaotic metal with plenty of groove and heavy riffs, and being fronted by two vocalists to boot, check out Entry: Dispersal by Sleepsculptor. They probably won’t anoint you a religious figure, but maybe I can name you a disciple in the Cult of Kenneth. Then you’ll be the one saying, “I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into.”

Click the photo or click here to buy Entry: Dispersal

2 thoughts on “The Perks of Being a Tear-Harvesting Deity

  1. Thanks for being a part of us Kenneth. This group has genuinely been one of the most enjoyable parts of being online in a long time for a lot of people and you’re a major contributor in our joy and reasoning to keep it going. It’s all in love and not everyone would be as cool with the position you’ve found yourself in for the group! Major props to you and your good attitude

    • Thanks man, I appreciate it! It’s been fun, and I knew the attitude behind it all wasn’t malicious, that’s why I was so willing to participate. Plus my blog sits for months at a time because I never seem to have much to write about, so documenting this was a no brainer hahahahaha

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