I needed a break from writing about writing, so I decided to do something a little different.
I was walking out of my bedroom the other day, and just out of the clear blue sky I found a song going through my head.
“She’s only seventeen, Daddy says she’s too young but she’s old enough for me!”
Where on earth did that come from? I knew what it was, of course. Seventeen, by Winger. As I’ve mentioned before, when you’re a kid in the ’80’s and your favorite music is buried in between videos of hair bands on MTV, you become familiar with it all whether you like it or not.
I always thought that song was kind of creepy, and I came up with the idea of dedicating a blog post to creepy lyrics. I decided to do some looking online, and realized I’d opened a bit of a Pandora’s Box.
So I decided that out of the plethora of creepy stuff out there to just narrow it down to 5, and I’m sticking with music and artists I’m familiar with. There are evidently some Clay Aiken and Chris Brown songs that are pretty creepy, but I’m not going there. If you think there are creepier songs out there I missed be sure and let me know in the comments.
5. The Police – Every Breath You Take (1983)
I decided to kick the list off with this one because it’s the obvious choice, but in my opinion that doesn’t make it any less creepy. The entire song is actually pretty disturbing with it’s stalker vibe, but the classic chorus is what seals the deal: “Every breath you take, every move you make, I’ll be watching you.” Um, yeah, from no fewer than 500 feet away, thank you very much.
4. Winger – Seventeen (1988)
This isn’t as bad as a lot of the songs I discovered when I was looking for creepy lyrics, but I’ve included it because, like I said above, it stands out in my mind as once of the first songs that I heard and thought, you know, that’s kind of creepy. How old is that guy singing, “She’s only seventeen, daddy says she’s too young but she’s old enough for me,” anyway?
He was 27 at the time. Can you imagine being the dad in the song, and this guy who’s pushing 30 says your daughter is “old enough” for him? If it was me, I could just picture myself choking him out with his little tank top.
3. Practically Everyone Under the Sun – Baby, It’s Cold Outside (written in 1944)
This one seems to be a somewhat touchy issue with people. I’ve heard several different versions over the years, and I’ve become convinced it has to do with the chemistry between to two singing the song. Some versions just seem somewhat playful, but without that fun context it sounds like the makings of a holiday date rape.
It’s too long to paste all the lyrics here, but if you’re not familiar it’s a back and forth between a female saying she needs to leave and a male trying to get her to stay. He is very persistent, and gives her reason after reason why she can’t leave but for me it’s all summed up in two lines – the female line, “Say, what’s in this drink?” and the male a few lines later singing, “Your lips look delicious!” Ick.
2. Motorhead – Jailbait (1980)
As a fan of Hard Rock and Metal, Lemmy Kilmister from Motorhead is pretty much a living legend. I’m not the biggest Motorhead fan in the world, but this guy’s been out there doing his thing for decades and that gets my respect. Plus, Ace of Spades is one of the classic rock songs of all time.
Still, that doesn’t mean he gets a free pass out of Creepytown. Just the name of the song is trouble. Then there’s this gem: “I don’t even dare ask your age it’s enough to know you’re here backstage. You’re jailbait, and I just can’t wait.” And as if that weren’t enough, just before the solo he lets loose with “Love that young stuff!”
*shudder*
The thought of Lemmy having sex with anyone or anything is pretty disturbing, but when it’s an underage girl, that’s downright horrific. Can you imagine your little girl doing it with this guy?
1. Dean Martin – Standing On The Corner (1956)
Here it is, the Big Kahuna. The Grand Champion of creepy lyrics. This song in particular is the whole reason I wanted to write this post.
I realized researching for this post that this isn’t an original Dean Martin song. That’s of slight comfort.
Now, I must preface this by saying I’ve always loved the Rat Pack, and in particular Dean Martin. As a matter of fact, Dean Martin’s Greatest Hits was where I discovered this little piece of ghastly perversion. It seems innocent enough on it’s face:
“Standing on the corner watching all the girls go by
Standing on the corner watching all the girls go by
Brother you don’t know a nicer occupation
Matter of fact, neither do I
Than standing on the corner watching all the girls
Watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by”
Okay, not bad. I remember girl watching as a teenager…next verse.
“I’m the cat that got the cream
Haven’t got a girl but I can dream
Haven’t got a girl but I can wish
So I’ll take me down to Main street
And that’s where I select my imaginary dish”
Okay, that sounds a little gross…what does that mean, the cat that got the cream? Maybe I’m making something out of nothing here. What’s next?
“Standing on the corner watching all the girls go by
Standing on the corner giving all the girls the eye
Brother if you’ve got a rich imagination
Give it a whirl, give it a try
Try standing on the corner watching all the girls
Watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by”
Oh boy, okay…now, why do I need a rich imagination to look at girls? They’re pretty, sure, I can see that…but surely you don’t mean…
“Brother you can’t go to jail for what you’re thinking
Or for that woo look in your eye
Standing on the corner watching all the girls
Watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by”
Whoa, whoa, whoa…time out. What did you just say? You can’t go to jail for what you’re thinking?!? So then, you’re saying you’re thinking criminal thoughts about the girls?
Alright, just so we’re on the same page here:
THIS GUY IS STANDING ON A STREET CORNER LEERING AT YOUNG (IN SOME CASES UNDERAGE) GIRLS SO HE CAN GO HOME AND MASTURBATE TO THEM.
Holy shit!
That’s just this side of going to the park in a trench coat and watching little kids on the playground.
That’s why this one wins in my book, hands down (no pun intended).
So, I hope you enjoyed the list…now, what did I miss?
BooksofJobe.com 
I agree some of these lyrics seem creepy now you’re brought it up. But creepy isn’t as bad as some of the rappers lyrics these days.
When I saw the title of your post, I immediately thought about the song from The Police as well… It’s quite the obvious one, indeed. But then I read your #1 and, wow, that IS creepy for sure! *shudder*
There were so many I could have included, it was actually quite hard to narrow down to five. It’s kind of shocking when you realize just how much music is really pretty perverted.
Not sure The Police tune belongs here as Sting said it was an intentionally creepy song about obsessive behavior. Maybe what’s creepier is the fact so many at the time could ignore the darker aspect of the lyrics and regarded it as just another broken heart love song. On the other hand, Timothy by Rupert Holmes (yeah, the-pina-colada-and-answering-machine-song guy) and Bloodrock’s D.O.A. are respectively about trapped miners resorting to cannibalism, and an internal monologue describing the sensation of dying after a plane cash (although I suspect many listeners at the time took the “we were flying low and hit something in the air” to be a metaphorical drug reference). Those were deliberate in their message too, but still extremely creepy…and two of the odder hits from 40+ years ago.
As for Kip Winger’s “Seventeen”…if you thought it was creepy then, imagine him doing it in concert NOW. When you qualify for senior discounts at Wendy’s, it’s sad that you can’t retire a song about sex with an underage girl because it’s your biggest hit.
Thanks for the info about the Dean Martin song. The only version I was overly familiar with was the one on a Jack Wild album(yes, Oliver and HR Puffenstuff Jack Wild…sue me….) and if I remember it correctly, I don’t think those later verses were used…and I can understand why.
“Honorable” Mentions: Rolling Stones’ “Brown Sugar,” the peppiest song about slaveowner rapists ever recorded, and Ted Nugent’s “Jailbait” which makes Motorhead’s take on the same subject tame by comparison, if only because Nugent has since openly discussed his many trysts with underage girls. Okay…maybe now that makes EVERYTHING by Nugent qualify as creepy.